


Baby Steps

by marippe



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-13 22:54:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1243588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marippe/pseuds/marippe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hikari discovers pornographic fanart of herself on the internet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Steps

I've started looking at porn lately, which you wouldn't think would be something I'd do. But then, part of growing up is learning what you do and don't like, I guess, so... I've stopped thinking worse of myself for it, anyways. Lots of people do. Life is a lot easier if you give yourself some slack, so I'm trying.

It's pretty incredible, the amount and variety of...stuff, that exists in the world, particularly on the internet. You can find anything. Including things you regret finding. Did you know there's a great number of "fan artists" out there? People who draw celebrities and fictional characters in suggestive positions--Well, to be fair, not all of them draw them in suggestive positions, but since I already mentioned porn...

Yeah, there's a lot of it.

There's even some of me.

I guess I should be flattered? Or maybe it's not even me, maybe it's some other Hikari, or a Dawn, or...Who really cares? Whoever she is, she certainly looks like me.

The internet likes her, I guess.

The first time I found it, I wasn't even looking for it. I'm not exactly pro at finding porn, despite the multitudes of it that exist on more or less every corner of the internet. That night, I think I was even looking for something entirely different. However it happened, a few clicks later, I was staring at a full page of fanart of some girl who looked like me in positions I didn't even know were possible. I think at the time, I slammed my laptop shut in shock, and spent a few minutes staring at the wall wondering if I'd really seen it or not.

A couple hours later, I'd looked at the whole gallery, door locked, hand quite solidly placed in my panties the whole time. I came twice. And once more as I was falling asleep and I thought again of that girl - me - doing things that I never could. Being seductive, showing herself off to an unseen audience, lifting her familiar mini-skirt to show that she wasn't wearing any panties. Giving a blowjob with apparent relish, and enjoying the look on the man's face (the most common one had shaggy black hair and a cap. I was reminded of Red. Perhaps because we were both champions, I thought?). Being held against a wall, begging for more as she was thoroughly fucked.

It's a heady thing, not only having these pictures of yourself, but knowing that someone else thought you were hot enough to actually draw them, and that someone else thought enough of the picture to spread it around.

I kind of pretend, in the back of my mind, that Cyrus knows about the whole idea (okay, he probably does in reality). I kind of pretend in the back of my mind that he's seen it all and it turns him on. I've done it before, after all. Faceless people on the internet don't really mean anything, but I guess it's hot to think of him looking. Love's a weird thing. I can't imagine Will being all that interested, though. After all, he doesn't have a problem touching the real thing, right?

Anyways, I've...well, it seems silly to say I've "learned a lot" from pictures on the internet, but really, when you didn't know anything about sex before, you can pick up some things here and there. Positions, for instance. Who knew there were so many? And sex toys? They come in a ridiculous variety - because clearly the basic design of a dildo needed to be improved on. Lingerie, did you know there's stuff beyond just panties and a bra? Did you know that some people have fetishes for stockings?

I'd never thought of doing it with more than one person, either. I mean, of course, I was aware it was a possibility, if all the parties were willing, but other than that, it had never really crossed my mind at all. Sex is something you keep quiet in the bedroom (or, um. occasionally the bathroom), with someone you love. But it seems that's not how the rest of the world looks at it.

I guess it's probably nice to be so free. I kind of wish I could be. But there's always something holding me back. I can't be that girl, the one who slides one of her tank top straps down over one shoulder, who leaves her panties at home and coquetteishly bats her eyes at men until they can't bear it anymore, and take her. I can't be that girl who acknowledges that she wants to have sex. I can get the idea across to Will (yes, when I kiss you harder and put my arms around your neck and hold myself against you and we're alone, that means I want to go upstairs), but I can't say it. If I had to rely on words alone, I'd never get laid, which is an amusing and at the same time disturbing thing for someone who loves words as much as her own mother.

It's kind of dumb.

Someday, I always think, someday, I will be okay saying it, "Make love to me." Someday, I always think, I will manage to choke out the words, and they'll sound confident, "I want you." Someday, I tell myself, I will be comfortable taking his hand, dragging him to the bedroom, and telling him in no uncertain terms, "Fuck me now."

But someday is still not here. It's been almost a year now. I wonder offhandedly how long sexual awakenings are supposed to take, and then I shake it off, because I know I'm an unusual case. Most people my age have been aware of sex and all of its intricacies for years, since adolescence. Somehow I managed to skip that whole thing and went straight into adulthood blind. It's hard to catch up. It's hard to know that I'm behind. I always try to remind myself I'm lucky Will's patient.

Or who knows, maybe I am just that cute. The girl in the pictures sure is.

Next time, I think I'll tell him. The moment always comes, when we've gone back to his house after a night on the town, and we're sitting on the couch talking, and holding each other, and then he kisses me, and then before I know it, I've climbed into his lap, and we're all over each other. Next time, I'll say what I want. It takes baby steps sometimes.


End file.
